The Decision

I'm not in a good mood today. My mind is still wandering around on yesterday's incident which forced me to make up my mind and make a decision.

Yesterday I was on MC coz I got a bad infection in my throat. Blame it on me, yes, I got sore throat a day before and I made a stupid mistake by eating a mangosteen. The result, I got a very bad infection that I can barely speak and swallow food. I'm still recovering now.

I brought Sarah to accompany me to clinic after sending Shasha to her school. I sent Sarah to her babysitter although she told me she didn't want to go. But I need rest, so she got no choice but to stay with the babysitter. Sarah looked so sad and very reluctant.

At 6 pm, my hubby returned home with Shasha and Sarah. Then came the drama. I was shocked to see Sarah's mouth. There were red marks on her mouth and chin. Her mouth looks swollen. When I check into her mouth I saw her bleeding gum. My god! What happened to her?

I immediately called the babysitter's home. Her son picked up and I asked what happened to Sarah. The son replied that I should call his mom's handphone directly and his mom would explain. I did. But the babysitter said she's on a meeting and will call me back.

I waited patiently for her call. I asked Sarah, who did this to you, what happened? What comes from her mouth really surprised me. She said "Ummi" (the babysitter) did this to her. She is 3 years old, yes. But she might tell the truth. My mind then quickly flashback some similar incidents happened before this. I did found bruises on Sarah's body a few times and when I asked her, she simply said that her "Ummi did it". I don't simply trust her at that times, as she's still so young, in my opinion she might not telling the truth, although my heart sense something's not right. Once, I saw 3 long marks on her hand. Yes, Sarah give me the same answer. When I asked the babysitter, surprisingly she admits that she did it. The babysitter said, "Akak minta maaf tadi akak rotan Sarah. Dia asyik muntah sebab protes/merajuk". ...... At that time I was speechless and didn't know how to react.

I admit that sometimes Sarah is difficult to handle. As a second child and the youngest, she's a very sensitive toddler. But as an experienced babysitter, that should be no problem for her to tackle my daughter's behaviour. Just use some of the child psychology, right? I don't mind if my daughters being scolded to discipline them but I found it hard to accept that Sarah is being punished just because she was too sensitive and emotional. But I am a rational parent. I don't simply go and scold the babysitter. I still trust her. What happened is that, Sarah don't really like to go to the babysitter's house and want me to be around her all the time. She's so attached to me and feel sad when I left her to go to work. She showed her protest by refused to eat and then vomitted.

Back to the story, I then got a message from the babysitter. I can't believe what the text msg said and just passed my handphone to my hubby. She admits that she's the reason of my daughter injury. She was angry with Sarah and while she was scolding her, she slipped and fell on Sarah. Sarah then fell on a wood mat that caused the injury.......

It's really hard for me to believe what had happened. And I'm in doubt to believe the babysitter's story too. I realize that now I have to make a decision. I was so upset I cried before I went to sleep. Poor my little Sarah. I don't know what should I do to the babysitter. I sms ed her telling that maybe Sarah is not suitable for her to care for and I will find another babysitter. But the babysitter then replied that I don't have to find another as she loved my daughter and want to care for her. Besides, she need money to support her children...

I had given her many chances as I believe she's the right one to care for my child. She's well respected in our community and in fact she was recommended by my neighbour who also send her children there. I don't understand why it is difficult for her to care for my daughter as if Sarah is the most stubborn, naughtiest child in the world. People who know Sarah will agree with me. She's not a trouble maker. She's just asking for an extra attention. I think I have to do what I should do before. I will find another babysitter for Sarah.

Being a parent is a tough job. You're not only have to handle your child, but also the people surrounding your child like the babysitter, school teachers and the friends.

I pray to God that I make a right decision....